To be (married) or not to be (married)

I really hope I stopped this thing from showing up on Facebook. If not, my husband’s relatives may just let him in on my secret before I am ready to share it with him.

I love my husband. I just don’t think I can be married to him any more. I have talked to him countless times about the problems we have in our marriage but nothing EVER changes. I am just so tired of things not changing.

My 71 year old mom has permanent legal guardianship of my nephew and they live with us. She receives no support of any kind. She is on social security and I am disabled. She and I do not bring in enough money to support the three of us.

The biggest problem I have in my marriage is financial. My husband is a truck driver. He is an extremely social person. Nothing wrong with that except he has to stop at truck stops every hour or so and will hang out for a good little while just chatting with folks. It causes him to get less loads than all the other drivers so his check along with mine and mom’s are not quite enough to pay the bills. Every time I get close to being caught up he gets “sick” and has to take a few days off. I want to pull my hair out. He does this EVERY December. He has now been out for ten days. Tomorrow’s check might be $150.00 and there will be no check for the next two. I spend every December scrambling to find the money so I can get gifts for my nephew. He is a great kid. Never gets in trouble. Makes A-B honor roll every report card. He has good manners. We NEVER have the money to buy him things other than birthday and Christmas. His birthday is on November 22nd. So unfair.

That is just the tip of the iceberg. I am probably an asshole for sharing this with the world but I really need some suggestions. My pain makes it impossible for me to work unless there is some legit work from home job out there. My doctor visits and meds cost a fortune. I feel so damn stuck. I would rather die than loose him because I don’t have the money to feed him.

I was a workaholic before becoming disabled. I need to find a way to work.

Oh. The biggest problem is that he makes my nephew feel like he can’t do anything right. He raises hell at him for things like forgetting to take the trash out. Come on. He is 13. I have to do right by my nephew. He deserves better.
I am sorry for dumping this on you guys. Please help me with some ideas.

Thank you.
Hugs,
Leah